Thursday, June 30, 2005

9 Hours

In 9 hours I'll go to the set. I'm a little nervous. More anxious and excited, but still a little nervous. I need to be asleep in an hour.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

A perfect scene.

Spent my lunch break at the South Congress Baptist Church scouting our first location of our first shot of our first scene. Exciting! I'm still needing to sleep more. By the time my clock hits 6am, I shoot out of bed, ready to get to work on the movie. Sadly, my bedtime keeps getting later and later. I MUST get sleep tonight. I'm hoping with my day off tomorrow, I can at least go running for about an hour after I force myself to sleep until 7am. I haven't put on my running shoes in almost two weeks. It's so sad. I have a hair appointment at noon. I haven't had a haircut since February. It's crazy how time flies. I got into an argument with a Groovy Lube employee a few weeks back over my inspection sticker being four months overdue. I swore I'd gotten it inspected in February of 2005. I was sadly mistaken. It had been February 2004. It's moments like those that I truly feel, I'm losing my mind.

Last night I had a short, but fantastic rehearsal. It was just Michael and Anne doing a scene after they come home from church. The two of them fit beautifully. It was a perfect scene. I came home and made Mark watch it too. I love it when he agrees with me. I know I've done good.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


Stacy's out there grinding away at finalizing our post house, making sure the food's in order, talking to agents, actors, crew, equipment vendors while I sit here at work, aching to be out there with her. I can make copies, a few phone calls, email galore, but I wish I had the freedom to help more outside of my windowless office. I envy those that don't have to work a day job while they shoot their feature films. I suppose I'm building character. We'll see how tired and drained I am Tuesday morning when I come back from four days of filming. I've been maintaining 5 - 6 hours of sleep a night. I wake up at 6am, take a shower, go to Quack's by 6:30am, watch rehearsal footage, take notes, reply to the millions of emails about sets, costumes, equipment ... and then I go to work from 9am - 6pm. Usually I'll take a meeting during my lunch or run a bunch of errands for the shoot. At 6pm, I race over to rehearsals. We rehearse until about 10pm. I get home by 10:30pm and then reply to the millions of emails that have accumulated in my inbox since I left work and then crawl into bed by about midnight or 1am. And then at 6am I start over again. But I love every second of it.

Overwhelming Kindness

People keep giving us money, food, time, props, costumes, cars, use of their equipment, whatever they can do to help. I'm so thankful, I just start crying. My friends, family, acquaintances, people I don't even know have been giving us their everything to see this project succeed. I'm a little overwhelmed by it all. This has been a struggle like no other. And on so many levels. Stacy, Lorie and I have let this film take over our lives and spill into the lives of our friends, husbands, boyfriends, family ... it's definitely been an emotional rollercoaster. But in the process, we've become a grounded, solid team. We don't take no for an answer. We don't give up. We don't hesitate or falter. I'm really proud of what we've accomplished so far. I'm really proud of how much we've grown over the past six months.

I'm almost ready. Only three more days. My actors are amazing. Every last one of them has given me everything they've got. They're honest and real. Watching Anne and Michael on the couch cuddled up watching television, Rhett and Bryan wrestling in the yard, Katie and Glen exchanging awkward glances in silence, Savannah screaming at the top of her lungs and beating my steering wheel to a bloody pulp, the chaos of the Turner family ... They've all come to life so gracefully.

Friday, June 24, 2005


After dinner tonight, Michael and I were heading back to my car when a woman stopped us. She recognized him from The Practice and kept telling him how creepy and scary he was. I stood there feeling awkward and uncomfortable. There's something about fame and celebrity that in the past year or so has made me feel uneasy and weird. I don't know what it is really. I mean, I do. But, I wish there was a way to quietly work and do my own thing without publicizing it, without sending out press releases and making a big deal about it all. I don't think I want to get famous. If I did, I might stay home a whole lot.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Paint Fumes

OH MY GOD! Today has been surreal. In so many ways.

We had a wonderful, wonderful meeting with Elizabeth Avellan this morning. That woman is a constant source of inspiration, kindness and support. I think the world of her. And she gives great hugs.

We've also been in conversation all day long with Michael's agent and manager. Michael's actually on a plane as I write this. He should touch down in an hour. It's been pure insanity. It's the part of the business that I despise. It makes me feel gross and icky. Just another learning experience, I suppose.

This morning I felt strong, happy and confident. Over the course of five or six hours, that's turned to frayed and tattered nerves. I think lack of sleep is part of it. And maybe the paint fumes from the art department painting my bedroom late last night. And Mark's snoring.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wednesday at 6pm

It's crazy the ups and downs of a production. I feel amazing. I feel totally psyched about next week. I've been in rehearsals with my lead kid actors for the past several days and they're killing me with how good they are. I'm having the time of my life!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Somehow destined.

I met Kyle Ellison last night. Savannah's boyfriend. You walk into the room and he immediately will do anything to put you at ease and make you feel completely at home. There's something so kind and generous about him. Both of them. Watching the two of them flitting about the house warmed my heart. They're perfect for each other. At least that's the impression I get.

Kyle's brother, Sims, committed suicide in 1995. Hence, the SIMS Foundation. Kyle proudly showed me several photos of this beautiful, youthful face. Standing in the middle of one of their bedrooms and staring at a mural Kyle painted shortly after Sims' death killed me. It all comes so closer to real. Maybe it gives power and strength to what I'm doing.

Speaking of which, I've been desperately trying to reach my old friend who the film is very, very loosely based on. Unsuccessfully. I wanted a final blessing. I'll keep looking.

My friend Garrett who the character Eric is based on is coming down this summer for a weekend to check out the shoot. I'll probably cry and cry when I see his face. My mom always wanted me to marry him. And at age 15, I did too.

I can't get over how these days are unfolding. How meeting all of these people seems almost destined. There are days when I ask myself what the hell am I doing. Do I really think I can pull this off. Am I completely mad? And then there are moments and days that bring it all home. Of course, I'm mad, but I can't not do it. This film, these actors, this crew, my friends and family, it's for them.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

My brave face

Yesterday felt like the end of the world to me. I won't go into detail, but one thing after another kept getting thrown at me until I felt like I would just crumble. I haven't cried that hard since I thought Mark might break up with me because ... I can't remember why I thought he was going to break up with me. But I remember crying and crying. The convulsion kind. I had to brush away my tears in time for our Art Department meeting. I would put on my brave face.

Today seems much better. My feet firmly planted on the ground. My chin up. Somehow I've been surrounded by the very best. I started crying twice today. The good kind though. For some reason, these people have faith in me. For some reason, they have more faith in me than I sometimes have in myself.

I'm good at that brave face. I can wear it well.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Good Weekends

It was a great weekend on all fronts. Mike Slack was in town taking polaroids for the film and for promotional materials. I spent much of Saturday with three of the kids taking pictures in the park. The images are stunningly beautiful. I was pretty taken back. I like Mike a lot. He has so much talent, it's sorty of spilling all over the place. It astounds me what people see through a lens. Coming from a filmmaker, I suppose that sounds weird. I found Grove that morning. I'm crossing my fingers that when I drop her in with the group, it works. I put together an impromptu photo shoot with Savannah (Grove) and Bryan (Zak) on Sunday, which again, turned out some amazing pictures from Mike. I know it's going to take a few more times before they get comfortable with each other. Same with Savannah and everyone else.

I spent almost most of yesterday shopping with the art department. I forgot how much fun it is to find costumes and set dressing items. The art department clicks big time. Those girls rule!

I took Adrienne and Lisa to see LORDS OF DOGTOWN on Saturday night. I wasn't crazy about it. For some reason, I kind of like Catherine Hardwicks' films, but as a whole they never really gel for me. There were some really great performances and then some not so hot ones. I don't know. I love anything that involves skateboarding.

Speaking of skateboarding, I did have a very surreal moment yesterday. We were waiting in line at Thundercloud when I recognized a face I hadn't seen in over ten years. My friend Zak from high school was standing a few people back. I had a huge crush on his best friend in high school. And strangely enough his was one of the pictures I gave to Adrienne for examples of costumes for the film. He just moved into town about a month ago. I remember being so intrigued by this guy when I was seventeen. Sitting with him in Thundercloud for five minutes as we exchanged phone numbers, it's still there. This odd fascination. I have to tell Clare.

Ok, I should go run now. I'm getting pretty lax on my exercising these days. Life keeps getting in the way.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Finding Grove

I just realized I haven't posted in a long while. Maybe it's because I'm so friggin' busy! Rah! That's a good "Rah!".

I lost one of my actresses due to a family emergency. I was pretty darn bummed. I loved her and thought she was fantastic. But everything happens for a reason, I suppose. So we have an impromptu casting session tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers really, really tight that I find the right girl. It's the toughest character to cast too.

In other news, rehearsals start soon. I played soccer last weekend with most of my kids. I love my actors so much, it's ridiculous. They're so talented, I can't stand it. And nice. So nice!!! Jim and his camera crew did some test shots with different stocks to see what we'll end up using. We're blowing it up to 35mm to get the full effect. I can't wait to see it. Apparently there's some mysterious piece of Jim running around on the field doing an interpretive dance. I think I'd gone to pay for the pizza at that point. That boy, I swear. Love him!

We're trying to finalize all of the stunts. Ugh. Note to self. Never have stunts. Air bags, stunt women, boats, divers, pieces of string with weights at the end ... I don't know.

By some crazy stroke of luck, we've been sent the best human beings in the whole wide world to work with. In every single department. Lorie, Stacy and I must have had some good karma in some other life. We keep signing on the most kick ass people. I started crying today thinking about it.